Machseh(Refuge)

As the tides rise
And my fears with it
My eyes search for the shore
Looking wildly for arms made with clay
As the waves billow
You test the limits of my trust
And ask me to come to You
With steps barely a whisper, I crawl

The ground quakes
Disintegrating into a million pieces
My mind spins frantically
Molding shoulders into existence
Discarding without a thought- precious promises
You heart speaks to mine, reminding me who You are
“Close your eyes and walk by faith” You say

You are my place of rest,
Inside of You I am secure,
Enclosed, shielded from the sun
Wrapped In the palm of Your hand
My eyes look afar off and all I see
Is men given in exchange for me
I will rest in hope
Quietly trusting in You

Advertisements

Dear Father,

Today I am grateful for the life that you have given me.
There are times when I feel so far away from you,
My faith wavers and I forget who I am in you.
So I slip and fall from your tight embrace.

Every so often, my life is in disarray.
Today, I am sold out to you,
Tomorrow, my faith takes a plunge,
I often wonder how you can put up with my inconsistencies.

Each time I allow sin to drag me under,
The feelings are the same; those of shame, dejection and regret.
He whispers lies into my ears,
And drops a veil over my eyes,
Blinding me to the truth that
You will never leave me nor forsake me

Day after day,
the veil becomes clouded with more doubts than my feeble heart can take,
Somehow your voice breaks through my muddled mind and unplugs my ears,
Softening a heart so unwilling to believe how a God so perfect can love me.
Through the days when I stumble and fall,
You are there waiting, willing me to take your hand.
My mind cannot comprehend a love so perfect and I resist it because I do not understand it.

Every year, I resolve to have a better relationship with you,
A more stable one, devoid of failings.
By March, the euphoria of making it into the new year gradually evaporates,
My gratitude diminishes; old habits regain their appeal,
And become more important than trusting in a God whom I cannot see,
And whose love I barely comprehend.

By July, the void in my heart desires to be filled,
And so I try everything else but you,
Until there is nothing left but you
Then slowly but surely, I decide that the day has come to give you my life.
For a while, I can feel the change coursing through me.
They told me that singular act was the beginning of a new life.

Then the days turned into weeks,
And with the wind, the euphoria disappeared.
Now I realise that my walk with you is a journey of a lifetime.
Father, like Moses I thirst for an encounter with you.
One that will give me a clearer understanding of who You are.
Amidst the uncertainties that life brings, only one thing is sure,
Your perfect, immeasurable love for me.

Day by day, the world is turning against you,
And I struggle against the tides that threaten to drown me.
Teach me Your will and help me to receive your love;
Help me to serve you with all of my heart,
Hold me in your hands Father and never let me go.

Church Rules!

rulesI am a christian and I love church but there are so many churches now that it is hard to make a choice especially if you are young and misguided. I recently made a change from a a bigger church to an on-campus fellowship and although I wish I made it a more graceful exit, I do not regret it.

As a family, we made a couple of changes when it came to church, most leaving happy memories, others not so much. My first experience in an ‘Ibadan’ church had me hating church as an 8 year old. There were people who complained to my mum about my sisters and I wearing jeans and not tying scarves(at 8?). Anyways, I was so glad when we made a change to a more ‘social’ church which at the time did not have any issues about children in jeans and was more ‘children friendly’. Although, back then, I hated being treated like a child and was a member of the adult Sunday school class(I was way too serious for goofy, talkative kids).

Participating in drama and choir presentations was fun until the ‘kiss’ that is, the unsolicited kiss from a budding paedophilic instrumentalist. I mean, what 9 year old wanted a kiss from the disgusting mouth of a 30 something year old nobody. I remember looking up at him, and telling him in my ‘grown up’ voice to never try that with me again or I would tell the pastor, and hence halting what would have been a story of abuse.

images (19)Throughout secondary school, going to church was a chore for me, one I soon stopped bothering to attend to. The chapel then was a lot different from what I was used to at home, and for 6 years I refused to adapt, not because I hated God, but because I hated the rules associated with going to places of worship. The ones about hair coverings were so extreme that the formidable ushers at the door would turn you right back if you dared to go without a scarf or a beret. After a couple of months, I just stopped bothering and only went for thanksgiving services, carol and valedictory services.

Now the head covering rule is back again, I am not totally averse to it anymore, I just don’t understand why it should be imbibed within the doctrine of a church especially for young people. Paul wrote, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man (that is Christian men and women) is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head” (1 Cor. 1:3-6).”

I do not wish to get into a never-ending argument about doctrine in the Christian faith but it appears to me that Paul was speaking to married women, and since I’m unmarried, why should the doctrine of a particular church tell me to cover my hair, that is not the only reason why I left though(too petty), I wanted a chance to know God for myself, among people in my age group without the familiarity and super-human expectations that come with being a preacher’s kid.

Although, it would appear that I have commitment issues, I probably do. I cannot really say that I have felt like I belonged in any church until now, I can safely say I’ve found my niche here, the trick is getting involved in what I do best, and utilizing my talents for the gospel while staying faithful to the one true God who knows no race, doctrine or language.
I am personally not against rules, because rules ensure order, but I don’t want to be imprisoned by doctrines made by men, all I want is to serve the Lord my God with all my heart regardless of legalistic ‘churchy’ righteousness.

There is no perfect Christian, we all strive toward perfection by the undiluted inexplicable grace that comes from the Father, and not by following all the rules.